Well, at least that’s what Jeff said 20 minutes before I found this creature outside of our back door at noon today!!!!! I had came home for lunch today and after a quick bite to eat (actually snarfed it down so I could curl up on the couch and catch the soap opera) it was time for me to go back to work. Earlier, while eating, Jeff was being his usually funny self reminding me of what a Big Hunking Husband he was and that would could protect me against anything. At that point I reminded him that there had yet to be a time that he had to intervene between me and a 250 lb, 6’6″ huge person who was about to pummel me. Again, he mentioned that it would be no problem–he could definetly hammer them.
I put my shoes back on while Jeff reminded me once again about how burly he was. I was still chuckling as I opened the door—and then gasped–and then screamed like a little school girl–and then slammed the door. There was a creature of the snakish, slimish, reptilish nature outside the door and it was staring at me with its piercing, little black eyes. Jeff cautiously opened the door back up (he isn’t overly fond of snakes) to find a 6″ salamander just outside the door. I kept telling him he would have to pick it up and remove it before I could walk past it. I was promptly told no (what happened to my brave warrior?) that I could just “hop” past it. I then told him to step outside and stand right in front of it so that it couldn’t run over to me and take a chunk out of my leg as I was trying to get by it. Again, I was told no (by my MANLY MAN!) . Suddenly, my big protector was feeling a little squimish I believe. Finally, we agreed that he would stick a foot out to block as I made a long step/leap towards the first step to get away from him. In passing, I made it very clear that the darned thing had to be moved no less that 60 miles away before I returned home with Cooper after school. We all know that Cooper would have some scheme to keep it in his room. I returned to work and completely forgot about the reptile at the house.
HOWEVER, after picking Cooper up from school and returning home, I was immediately reminded because dear-old-Jeff (the brave and noble husband) had “forgotten” to remove the darned thing from the property. Yes, there the slimy-little-slimy-little-gross-slimy-critter was, just outside the door. Again, I made the deer leap into the house and upon landing inquired as to why the da*&^&^ thing was still there. “Oh shoot, I forgot!” was the reply I received. Gosh, my love, did watching a rerun of Gunsmoke for the gazillionth time take your mind away from the only task you had to do this afternoon? I should mention here that we received 3.5″ of rain over the weekend which basically shuts down the lawnmowing business.
It wasn’t but 20 minutes later that old Mr. Salamander was scooped up and taken to the back of our property to find a new home somewhere else. It was the first time I had ever seen one alive and don’t care to see another one anytime soon. Meanwhile, I hope Jeff is able to brush up on his toughness skills. Lord only knows what he would do if anything larger than 6″ shows up at our door nextime!
